Bumping into the past ~ Relationship Reset

Over the past four weeks I have attended a wedding, a 50th Wedding Anniversary "Shed Party" and a college graduation party for a 40-something who has tackled his first advanced degree in pursuit of yet a more advanced degree.  All three events were centered in relationships established in my youth or during the years during which my children were growing up.

In each of these situations, I saw people that used to be part of my life on a regular basis.  Since moving to the "cities" in late 1998 I have had no contact with most of them, some contact with others and kept close contact with a treasured few.

I had a great time at each of these events and enjoyed conversations with everyone.  And I had a chance to see once again how perspective informs the conversation.  For many of my peers, the conversation began with I haven't see you in a long time.  Where do you live now?  How long have you been retired? (like they don't already know the answers to all these questions) to I have heard you have a really good life and now I see you do   to oh my gosh, how are you?  What are you doing now?  and ... ... ...

Most interesting for me are the oh my gosh how are you, what are you doing now questions that came from my kids peers!  They expect that life moves on, that people make new choices.  On the other hand, questions from my peers tended to be all about the past or about retirement.  When they learn that retirement is not a part of my reality (some days I long for it and others I never want it to come my way), they run completely out of things to say.  Some of them have been retired for over 10 years. 

My kids peers on the other hand are comfortable to talk and talk and talk about life being full of possibility and opportunity and they want to talk about what that is like in their lives and mine!  Their lives have always been about change, they never knew life when people made a choice upon graduating from high school and lived that choice their entire lives.

Perhaps the most exciting thing about these exchanges is that I am renewing some connections and I am very excited about that.  The new in all of this is that I am renewing connections with people who knew me in the past and now that we have reconnected, we want to know and spend time with each other in the now that is real and exciting! 

So for today, I am calling this great gift Relationship Reset!

To add a little fun, I decided to do a Google Image Search using Relationship Restart ... almost without exception the images are couple based or are images of Dr. P. touting his most recent tome which of course uses the word relationship in the title and then he adds the word, rescue.  Not what I am talking about here at all! 

Oh geez, now I may need to ponder whether the word relationship is the right word to use in this Just Thinkin' post. As today's youth say over and over and over again, for today It is what it is!  Period.

The Perfect Body

Auntie Lena (Ginger Hedstrom)

In 1990 a dear friend, who happened to be full-blooded Norwegian, turned 65 glorious years old.  A group of us wanted to surprise her and we also knew that it was she who was the queen of giving.  She flunked receiving with more "F's" on her report card of life than any of us ever could!

So I created Auntie Lena, a character clown, in the hopes of bringing a little levity to the surprise party to provide some ease for her ... taking some of the attention off her ... for a few minutes.  I created my "one time ever costume" wrote a poem about her life from stories her family and friends shared with me, brought a "deesh to pass." In the tradition of clowning, as the fool who created an interruption changing "momentarily" the tone of the event.

It was a grand party and she had a tremendous time receiving all the love from her family and friends.  This time she got an A+ as she received it ALL. Today, almost 13 years since her death in June 2000, I can still see her face as she drank in the fun and the love surrounding her.  Oh, yes, I can hear her laughter laughter too. 

The absolute unexpected consequence of all of this was that people began asking Auntie Lena to create an interruption for them.  In the ensuing years I have created many and just like the first, each one has something to teach me.

Two weeks ago I was asked to interrupt the 50th Wedding Anniversary of dear friends.  I have known the bride since we were both in grade school and the groom since my teens.  This was planned with their children who told them that due to my recent bi-lateral foot surgery I would not be able to come as Auntie Lena. 

My props for the day included a decadent "made from scratch" chocolate cake topped with a used candle and wrapped in an embroidered "Saturday deesh towel," a quart jar of homemade egg coffee wrapped in old newspapers, an antique Victrola with 78 rpm polka records, and a clothes stomper for a cane. 

This morning I can still hear the laughter of the crowd, especially the bride!  I do love to hear laughter and since I can't respond with laughter, I remember it even more clearly after the fact.

One of the things that I learned that day was about body image.  What is okay at one age and is not okay at another.  In the picture above my costume includes a polyester dress that was made in the 1970's by my great-aunt Ella.  The hem is right above my knees.  I also wear pantyhose, a pair of old fashioned nylon "granny panties" over them and cotton stockings knotted at my knees.

While trying to put the Victrola together and get the music playing, my polyester dress hiked up in the back.  It always does.  It is supposed to!  It always brings laughter, gales and gales and gales of laughter.  And like many older women I have been blessed to know, it doesn't bother Auntie Lena any more than it bothered them.  On this occasion however, it was problematic for one of the guests who came up behind me and tried unsuccessfully to pull the dress down!  Well honey, there "ain't no pullin'" it down!  It is planned to be that way.

What I have been wondering since that afternoon during my moments of reflection and introspection is, was this person trying to protect my dignity?   Or was the imperfection of my aging body offensive to the eye (s) of the beholder (s)?  After all, no one would think of pulling down the tiny jean skirt of a teenage girl or any woman with a young lean trim body or for that matter any woman considered "young."  I don't know and it really doesn't matter.  The experience simply gave me something on which to be "just thinkin'."

None of these things would enter my mind if it weren't for the ways we as a society view the aging body as flawed, imperfect, wrong, a cause of embarrassment.  There is a billions dollar" anti-aging" industry to keep us from becoming wrinkled, preventing facial hair" and warding off the unpleasant sight of gray hair. Exposure of elephant" knees and/or "wing" upper arms, presenting images of elders in swimming suits, shorts or swimming suits and the response is often sound of absolute distain"eeewwweeeeeee."

From my years of working with elders and now literally being one, I realize that even suggesting that aging persons continue to be sexual persons is utterly repulsive.  There are not enough e's or w's in the English language to express the collective repulsion. 

Actually as I keep just thinkin' it seems that the only people we should celebrate as healthy and vibrant and sexually appealing are the young, the thin and the beautiful, the painted, primped hetero-sexual beings who are served abundantly and unceasingly by our billions and billions and billions dollar perfection based marketing media machines!

As always, I am still just thinkin' about live as it shows up!  Wrinkles and gray hair and wing arms and elephant knees and laugh lines and ... ... ... life IS good! 


 

Missing and Missed: Blue Sky of Spring

Puerto Morelos April 2013

I chose this picture
to help me remember
a blue sky

On this May 4, 2013
Saint Paul Minnesota
blue sky is a distant memory

Or at least so it feels
while California is
battered by relentless wild fires
we are simply living under gray skies
daily snow
record snow fall
Southern MN in May!

And though I miss the
warmth of spring
more
more
more than anything
I miss the
Blue Sky of Spring
in Minnesota.

I am working hard on
patience
knowing the sun shines
above the clouds
that will leave
then I will STOP
everything
and go outside
to see
to feel
the sun
savor the
Blue Sky of Spring.

And pray that the
dangerous and destructive
live changing
fires fueled by strong winds
in California
abate soon
very
very
very soon!

"IT" has happened AGAIN

Considered VINGAGE!

I woke this morning after a perfectly glorious week which started with a heavy APRIL snowfall followed by sunshine, warming temperatures and the disappearance of the snow that this year threatened to become a 12 month a year phenomena.

Yesterday I had the great pleasure of appearing as "Auntie Lena, the Old Norwegian Woman" at the 50th Wedding Anniversary of dear friends.  The party was on the farm where the "bride" grew up.  I visited there often as a child. I drove there almost on auto pilot.  The roads had changed some, Minnesota 52 is now four lanes, the access to the county road now has a curve carved into it to "slow" traffic lest drivers think the road goes straight through. The farm?  Well the old barn remains with new siding and porch-like addition on one side.  All the other buildings are new, the "old Thompson Place" is now clearly the "Olson Place" and still in the family!  Where fields of corn, beans and alfalfa once grew undisturbed and cattle once grazed an enormous cell phone tower signals the 21st Century is fully present.

As one son-in-law of the honored couple said, "This is so amazing.  Who is married 50 years anymore? I tried to explain to my daughter (six years old) what it means to be married 50 years. All she knows is that her daddy is not yet 50 years old!"

"Auntie Lena" brought a deesh to pass: Made from scratch decadent chocolate cake with from scratch chocolate frosting complete with a used candle which she lite with a farmers match; homemade egg coffee in a Ball canning jar wrapped in newspapers to keep it hot "yust like ve used to do ven ve took it to da fields ven pa vas plantin' in da spring;" an antique portable Victrola on which she played polka music when it was all cranked up to handle 78 RPM records and ... ...  it was a grand time!  I wouldn't give it back for a million dollars.

Then the sun came up this morning.  Yes, I woke to a sun-filled morning with the sun steaming in ALL the windows in ALL the rooms of my home.  Struck by nostalgia, I made another pot of old fashioned egg coffee in the same "vintage" pot I used yesterday.  It really is the best coffee in the world whether made in the kitchen or over a camp fire.

While sipping my coffee and reading the paper I noticed a herd of dust buffaloes hiding under the newly recovered "vintage" chair in my den. My eyes then wandered over to the "vintage" unfinished bead-board cabinet that serves as a stand for the television.  Yup, another herd was lurking under the open edge.  As I returned to the kitchen to fill my cup, I noticed that herds were present in corners, under the china hutch, dining room and kitchen tables and ... ... ...

For about 10 seconds I lamented that I had let the house reach this point of disarray.  Well, I got over that real quickly!  I remembered visiting the home of a woman whom I admired greatly in the late 1970s.  There were piles of papers, stacks of books, projects in process and some dishes in the sink.  It was at that moment that I realized that she clearly made choices that fed her life and the lives of countless others; that her home reflected the richness of her life rather than her failure to keep the "perfect house."

It was also about that time that I made a commitment to myself and have stated that commitment often over the years to others: "If on the day I die all they can write on my tombstone is that 'she kept a perfect house' that would be proof that I missed out on a lot of life!"

So, in the past five weeks I:
~Spent time with family and friends
~Recovered from bi-lateral foot surgery on March 15
~Spent eight days with 11 amazing women near Puerto Morelos, Quintana Roo, Yucatan
~Attended and celebrated Brooke's (grand-daughter) confirmation (Marissa, her big sister was her sponsor)
~Returned to full time work
~Attended the opera Turnadot with a dear friend
~Coordinated the Just Immigration Reform: 2013 Window of Opportunity (click on survey shows)
   event at work featuring local and national presenters
~Attended the wedding of dear friends
~Attended the Cantus benefit honoring the 30th Anniversary of the Advocates for Human Rights
~Had dinner with friends at the newly opened Daily Diner on the corner of University & Dale in St.
  Paul (great food, atmosphere, staff and MISSION)
~Volunteered at the HISTORY THEATRE in their development department (now showing This Side of Paradise)
~Shared "Auntie Lena" with dear friends

About the herds of dust buffaloes...I think they can live happily at least one more day.  After I finish the last drop of my egg coffee I am going to enjoy spring by spending the day OUTSIDE!

Sometimes I forget that every choice I make determines how I spend MY life.  I have to make a pot of egg coffee in my "vintage" pot more often and smile at those buffaloes as I pass by!

"Relationship is all there is!

I wrote the blog below six days ago but did not publish it. 
Nearly a week later, I still have come to no conclusions.  There is so much that is mystery ... so much to think about ... what seems to be the "answer" today often proves in days, weeks, months or years later to be not so clear.  So, I will continue to ponder life by

Just Thinkin'

Who we are with each other is who we are with the world." Carol Zinn, SSJ, CSSJ NGO- Representative to the U.N. (7/07)

I just turned off Sunday morning TV.  There was some "news" that was not tied to the Boston Marathon Bombing, the suspects, the victims both alive and dead...the way our lives are made different because of this violent situation.

There are a couple of words that stand out for me in the reporting through all forms of media:  terrorist, terrorism, Muslim, heroes and friends.

It feels like an impossible task to imagine the thousands and thousand of times we have heard and read the words, terrorist and terrorism.

In the order most spoken, most written:
(From my perspective, it is the only one I have!)

Terrorism:  Once again we hear this word used to describe a local incident that has national implications.  We hear that once again we must prepare ourselves for more such incidents ~ translation ~ more police presence, more "security," more scrutiny into our every day lives.

Terrorist:  the person (s) who perpetrate public violence?

Muslim:  I do not remember when I have ever heard the perpetrator of violence, public or in the home, defined as Lutheran, Episcopalian, Catholic (exception, pedophilia), Evangelical, or ...

Hero:  A right and just word used for people who come forward, either because of their profession or their innate sense of caring for others, to provide instantaneous care for those on whom the violence has been perpetrated.

Friends:  In the report this morning which was part of CBS Sunday Morning one of the suspected perpetrators was quoted as saying in an online communication, that he had no American friends.  He had been in the United States for more than 5 years and yet he had NO "American friends."

Did he want to get to know people?  Did people want to get to know him?

We put laws and policies in place to guard against terrorism and spend billions and billions of dollars to create a false sense of safety.  From my perspective, there is simply no guarantee that we can actually provide safety on this level.  On 9/11 a total of 128 people were killed and hundreds more were seriously injured. In the ensuing years, the number of people in the United States killed by terrorists committed to perpetrating terrorism against people they do not know include those killed at Fort Hood, Texas; Virginia Tech; Aurora Theater; Newton, CT and ... ...

In contrast: "The number of people killed by firearms in the United States remains high.  According to the FBI Uniform Crime Report, between 2006 and 2010 47,856 people were murdered in the U.S. by firearms, more than twice as many as were killed by all other means combined." (ABC News August 25, 2012)
 
And then if we look further we learn that the number of U.S. troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq: 6,614 and the number of women, in the same period, killed as the result of domestic violence in the US: 11,766 (50 Facts about Domestic Violence. Soraya Chemaly, 11/30/2012).

So what is my point anyway?  As I have been "just thinkin'" about everything this week, there are several things that stand out for me.

1.  There seems to be a perception that the FBI, law enforcement and the general public can predict who the terrorist is and what the terrorist will do.  In reality, we hear over and over again that people who know the perpetrator are "shocked" to learn that the person they knew could be capable of such violence.  In some instances we hear that they were loners with some quirky behaviors but rarely anything to really allows law enforcement or others to predict that they will perpetrate a violent act.

We heard this from classmates and friends of the suspects of the Boston Marathon Bombing,
the perpetrator of the Newton School shootings, Aurora Theater Shooting, etc.

2.  Now to back to the issue of domestic violence.  Once again extended family, friends, co-workers, neighbors are shocked to learn that the one who killed his wife/partner was capable of such violence. 

So all of this leaves me wondering:  how is it that we can expend billions and billions of dollars in efforts to stop public terrorism when we do so little to address the reality of terrorism in our homes and our city streets where everyone hopes to really be safe?

3.  How different would our homes and our public spaces be if we really cared about and for each other?  What would it be like of we had the capacity to respect all people regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, religious affiliation?  What would it be like if we spent more money on creating environments were people can create community rather that build structures that are based in fear and mistrust?

What if we lived and moved and had out being from a place of knowing and believing  that "relationship is all there is.  Who we are with each other is who we are with the world?"

What do I really know anyway?  Not much.  Much of life truly is a mystery!

There is so much that is mystery to me and I truly believe that we can continue to spend billions and billions and billions fear-based dollars in our efforts to end public terrorism when in truth we can not guarantee it will end.

I also believe that we can really make a difference in our relationships that absolutely influence how we relate with others and therefore the world.

Traveling Goddesses Spring 2013 Trip to Puerto Morelos, Quintana Roo, Yucatan

A picture IS worth a thousand words!

Women from Minnesota and California guided by Traveling Goddesses: Transformational Travel for Women owners, Connie Delgado (MN) and Margo Hinnenkamp (CA) experienced an extraordinary week living in two villas overlooking the Caribbean Ocean: breathtaking views with every blink of our eyes; sumptuous food planned, prepared, presented and devoured on site and in the village; massages at the Jungle Spa (Mayan Women Healers) and on the veranda overlooking the Caribbean; a trip to Akumal to snorkel and swim with the turtles; and a trip to swim in the Akama Cenote.
Add in time for leisure, swimming, strolling the beach, experiencing yoga on the beach, dancing at the Infinity Pool; lounging with a good book, getting to know each other through story telling and laughter, lots of laughter. 

This picture, taken after an evening on the town and dinner at the Argentinian restaurant that says it all...incredible women sharing an amazing trip!  THANK YOU CONNIE AND MARGO!

Missing in Action

Well these past months it has happened again!  Back in October I was SO sure I was back online blogging with regularity.  Then "life" showed up again and I disappeared  once again for another five months!

Wearing MY shoes again!

I used to get really upset when situations like this reared up AGAIN.  Upset gets me nowhere except frustrated at me and if there is one thing I have to stop doing is being frustrated with me!

So today, I simply recognize that it is:
 ~~good to be back in action today
 ~~good to have had bi-lateral Morton's Neuroma surgery and be in my third week of recovery
 ~~hard to be patient with healing, I want to walk for exercise (not yet), I want to take a long hot
     shower (not yet), I want to take a long hot bath filled with lavender (not yet) and I want a
     pedicure (not yet)
~~exciting to be wearing my own shoes again and not the velcro closure post surgery "shoes"
~~thrilling to know that I will be back to normal daily activities in two weeks and able to walk for           exercise in four weeks
~~amazing to have three fabulous, caring, loving, kind, generous adult children and who are parents
     to my outrageously different and magnificent grand-girls and grand-boys (two each)
~~and a raft of friends near and far who live life's roller coaster rich vibrant journey with me.

So for today, I am back in action.  As if I am ever OUT of action!  I simply choose the actions that make each day and live into them until the sun sets on today and the sun rises on tomorrow.  It really is that simple!

How did THAT happen?

How does time get away from us? 
~~~The last post I made to just thinkin' describes the plight of a pinched nerve in my back and the Olympic efforts it took to simply pick up something that had dropped to the floor!   It is so utterly amazing how much time it takes to visit the chiropractor for treatments, to exercise, to rest and apply apply ice and heat.
~~~When recovered I went out of town for a meeting regarding the future of the Great Lakes held by the Religious Coalition on the Great Lakes; oh, and then for a long weekend for Labor Day that included a trip to Sedan, Minnesota to surprise a colleague whose last day at Rooney's was surprise worthy and two nights at a friend's lake home near Alexandria... ... ...and today is already 10/14/2012 with warm dry winds and few leaves left on the trees!
~~~It is amazing that in the past two months: my eldest grandson began his first year of college ; eldest granddaughter is a senior in high school and her sister is a sophomore and brother a sixth grader!  No longer do I call them on the phone or email them or welcome them for an overnight or weekend visit.  These days we Facebook and we text, I go to their school activities. Their visits to Gramma's house are few and far between with their time consumed their part-time jobs and homework and athletic activities, and friends.  I still work full-time, so my schedule can also be complicated!  
~~~Oh, did I mention they great young people and excellent students?   How did they grow up SO fast?
~~~This afternoon, I celebrated Mim's retirement.  How did THAT happen?  Her last day at MTF is tomorrow, then on Wednesday she heads out on a cross country road trip visiting family and friends, and seeing this amazing country. She plans to be back to Minnesota in early December.  I am SO happy for her! 

~~~While there I saw friends I have not seen in more than five years.  How did THAT HAPPEN?  




Life has a way of speeding up and sometimes it takes a while to get a grip and slow it down. 
The past five years have been fraught with unforseen circumstances that required a tremendous amount of time and money to overcome for many people, including me.  While many sadly lost their jobs and their homes, I count myself among those who hung on by thread and in so doing, managed to keep my home and job.  How did THAT HAPPEN?






~~~There are many factors at play including horrendously long hours of work and research and networking, digging into complicated systems and insisting that I be heard, that actions taken to correct the errors that were not mine; I could not have done it without the support of family, friends, co-workers and my employer who encouraged me as I navigated here-to-fore uncharted waters of living through the recession, nationwide downturn in home values and the whole mortgage industry debacle!
~~~During this time, I worked, worked and worked some more, had little time, money or energy for social opportunities - discretionary income was non-existent.  There were days that were very dark and I wondered how I'd make it through.  And once again, I have made it through!
~~~How does time get away from us?  We share it ~ live it ~ simply spend it!  Mom used to say that as we age, "if you think it has been three years, it probably has been six years.  Just double what you think and you will be close to right."   She also used to say, "can't never did nothin' for nobody."  Though she died in January 1998, her wisdom and courage and strength also guided me through these tough and rough waters.
~~~How does it happen that time goes so fast?   It is the result of living life fully in all its magnificence, simplicity and complexity!  It is about putting one foot ahead of the other, making the next phone call, sending yet another email, contacting another agency in wading through challenges and then running and skipping and celebrating those days of simplicity and complexity.  Far better living a life in which time goes fast that a life that drags on and on and on. 
~~~I had a wonderful weekend and I have an amazing life and I plan to keep spending time! 
~~~To blog this wee bit of just thinkin' this Sunday night I spent 35 minutes of my life and it felt good!

2012 Olpmpic Champions

Assistive Device

While the top athletes from around the world do things with their bodies that I had no idea the human body was capable of, I have been entered into my very own 2012 Olympics right here at home.

It all began when I woke last Monday and couldn't sit up in bed.  Normally getting out of bed  just happens."  Well, last Monday it not only did not "just happen" it took a lot of thinking and a lot of patience and a lot of persistence.  There were some panicky moments during which I wondered if I was going to be able to figure out how to get out of bed or be forced to call in reinforcements.

Being patient and creative I managed to roll over onto my stomach and slowly skooch to the end of the bed where I performed a modified push-up which enabled me to achieve an almost upright position.

Once downstairs and on the sofa in the den, I punched the number of the chiropractors office into the phone so all I had to do was press the green "phone" button to complete the call at exactly 8:00 a.m.  Pinched nerve, confirmed.  Treatment every other day, heat by day, cold packs by night, anti-inflammatory medication and relax relax relax and rest rest rest.

What I soon learned was the a pinched nerve not only renders one's agility null and void, it increases overall clumbsyness by about 400%.  I dropped things and then stared at them seemingly a million miles away.  All the while those 2012 Olympic athletes were breaking world records in gymnastics (YO GABBY), swimming, volleyball, track and field on the bloody TV across the room.

The obstacle course on my floor grew by the hour!  First my spoon, then my pen, then my napkin, the TV remote which I usually don't even care about and then ... ... it went on and on.  It was almost as painful to look at all the stuff on the floor as it was painful to move!  Now, I could have called in reinforcements.  Family and friends and co-workers would have been happy to help.  But ... I wanted the stuff picked up now!

After some pouting and pondering I realized that people who have serious mobility issues or those who are vertically challenged rely upon the patented "grabber" thing - you know - the one which when squeezed opens on the other end allowing one to pick things up.  They are usually 18-24 inches long.  What I needed to pick up was not that far away!  Oh, the joy when I realized that I have four different kitchen tongs, shiny gorgeous stainless steel ones for special events (two pair), a run of the mill everyday salad tong and the very functional stove-top tong with the red plastic coated handles.

How much better could it get!  Off to the kitchen I went at breakneck speed of the greatest distance runner ... okay ... the speed of Tiffany Tortoise, to retrieve my brightest and shiniest stainless steel tongs and in no time flat the obstacle course disappeared.  I decided to keep them by the sofa for my next fit of dropsy ... it didn't take long either.  In the course of the past week, I have awarded myself six gold medals for removing obstacles from my path.  I may just have to have my stainless steel tongs dipped in gold and then soulder five gold Olympic rings onto it as a sign of patience, persistence and a creative solution to pinched nerve dropsy.

Life is always first and foremost a matter of perspective and rooted in the truism that laughter really is really really the best medicine!

No Words

I woke early, read the newspaper and then got ready for work with the intention of working on updating our website ~ doing this work from home.  At 6:30 I turned the computer on only to discover a black screen.  So, I left a message for the IT guy at work; took the computer to the office and planned for the crashed computer to be the crushing blow of the day.

At the office a friend/co-worker told me about the mass shooting at the Aurora, CO movie theater during the opening night presentation of "The Dark Knight," the latest in the Batman series.

Since then ... it is as only it can be ... a truly dark day in which no words can possibly make sense of the unfolding horrors...  President Obama will be speaking to the nation within the hour.

... ... ...

Hot Humid Draught ... Minnesota?

Days gone by?

People from "down south" that are part of my world find it difficult to believe that we have really really really hot humid summer weather here in Minnesota just like they do south of the Mason Dixon Line.

For those of us who live here, we truly understand the meaning of Minnesota as a "theater of seasons."  This season, it is hotter than ... drier than "normal" whatever normal means anyway! 

The afternoon of the 4th of July my thermometer in the shade, recorded 106.3 degrees.  Last night the TV weather forcasters at 5:00 p.m. said it had cooled down to 98 avoiding another record high for the date, at my house the thermometer was still going up and finally stopped at 99.6 degrees. 

How hot and dry is it?  The house finches are drinking the hummingbird nectar; a baby bunnie died in the back yard in the heat of the day; the weeds are flourishing and the yards are toasted and roasted; record rains and high temperatures in May ended the draught;  this week it is back!  This morning the temperature at 4:11 a.m. was 81 degrees and the humidity already 80%. 

So people and animals need to take really good care today ... however, I doubt that any citizen could possibly turn on a fire hydrant in today's world.

Missing - one piece of paper

I woke at 4:01 a.m. fully rested.  So, naturally I got up and got busy!  It is now 5:47 a.m. and all my filing is done, magazines and mail sorted, general pick-up on the main floor done. French pressed coffee with soy creamer steaming and I am ready to roar into the day.

What a way to begin a summer Saturday.  Well, it isn't that I really wanted to file and sort, it is that I can't find a single piece of paper, not four just one blasted piece of paper that I need by Monday.  So, I decided that what I need to do to be able to move into this day fully is to write the snarly words that are careening around in my head with such frenzy that the image of a crazed out of control pinball machine seems placid.

How quickly I can move from the wonder of life to crash and burn simply because I can't find a bloody piece of paper.  You know the snarly words ~ will you ever get organized ~ if you put it where it belonged the moment you got it, you wouldn't have lost it ~ will you never learn ~ how can you make something so easy so complicated?  And those are the kindest words blasting around in my head.

So, it is time to sit down and take inventory of life in the past week:  trip to Chicago to be part of the planning team for a national meeting the end of September ~ top notch; organized and led 11th Day Prayer for Peace: Praying and Preparing for the Commemoration of the Bombing of Nagasaki and the installation of the Vision of Peace Replica which included Ojibwe pipe, smudging and water ceremonies ~ went off without a hitch and an email the next day read in part "your leadership in planning and gentle guiding of the prayer service were a gift to us all"; volunteered at the MN History Theater in the development office for three hours ~ kudos; dinner at Chris and Rob's with Jon last night full of stories and laughter and wondering about life ~ as always great. 

All of that good stuff crashed and burned sending up a cloud of black smoke that can be seen for miles because I can't find a silly piece of paper.  One piece of paper.  A piece of paper I can have faxed to me on Monday.  It really is that simple!  And yet, I have allowed it to build into the Mount Vesuvius of failures. 

Time to change words in brain - get a grip and enjoy the day.  This piece of paper is really a non issue!

St. Paul Minnesota - My Hometown

What a beautiful city I live in!  This week I have savored sunrises and sunsets from my own yard and from Cherokee Drive overlooking the magnificent Mississippi just east of the High Bridge; "Music in Mears" featuring jazz with Pippi; sunrise from in my back yard while watering my gardens; a trip to Lynden's Ice Cream Parlor on the corner and it is only 7:55 a.m. on Saturday!

Last night a friend and I drove to Theresa's Mexican Restaurant in Mendota Heights where we sat on the patio, lingered over our dinner and sipped a fabulous lime Marguerita.  Our visting with each other was long from complete, so we drove through some of the old neighborhoods in West Saint Paul wending our way to Cherokee Drive where we plucked two "bun bucket chairs" from the trunk and continued our visit which was interspersed with memories of her youth in St. Paul including "we took our coin purses to 1st National Bank (the bright red lighted "1" still shines brightly over St. Paul) to deposit our pennies into our accounts.

While we sat and visited, others walked their dogs and some simply strolled along the sidewalk behind us; almost without fail, they offered a greeting, after all this is a friendly city of neighborhoods.

Of course, I left home without my camera, so I resorted to my cell phone camera to take the image above.  There is nothing more to say, it speaks for itself.  The only thing that could possibly have made it better, would have been for you to be there to witness the sun slip from the clouds into the cloudless part of the sky, kiss the horizon and then quickly slide and disappear into the city skyline leaving a warm blissful after-glow. 

TWIN CITIES PRIDE 2012

Have you ever tried to take a cell phone photo across a city street?  Well, neither had I until today when I stood in the middle of 4th Street in Minneapolis as the Justice Commission of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet and Consociates Standing for Human Rights and Justice contingent began their parade march.

Four of us went together, leaving by bus at 9:45 a.m.  Two had never ridden the Light Rail, nor had they ever attended any part of PRIDE.  One said, "I really want to do this and I want to be able to tell my grandchildren that I took part in this important PRIDE." It was really really fun!  Both said that they hadn't been on public transportation in years.  As we neared downtown, I said, "imagine, for $.75 you can take the bus and train into downtown; get off at the Nicollett Mall; have lunch and return on the same ticket within 2 1/2 hours!  And, yes you can do the same thing in downtown St. Paul too."  Who knows, this could be the start something new and wonderful for all of us.

Once downtown, I stood near the corner of 3rd and 4th while they went to find the Justice Commission contingent.  On my corner I witnessed contingents representing Minnesota UCC, Plymouth Congregational, ELCA of MInnesota, Mayflower UCC, US Bank, Expedia, VOTE NO in November, Human Rights, Political leaders, Congressional Representatives Betty McCollum, Keith Ellison, Minnesota State Representative Karen Joy Clark and ... ... without exception people were in great spirits.

A man standing near me (in his 70's) proudly described the work of his church, Mayflower UCC.  This was his first PRIDE and he was clearly thrilled to be there.

From the banners words spoke out - equality, human rights, dignity.    A Minneapolis police officer on the corner directing traffic and overseeing the corner, asked six brilliantly dressed ballet dancers to stop so he could have his picture taken with them.  The cheers rocked the corner!

As soon as I got home, I Googled Twin Cities Pride 2012 Parade Flash Mob.  It too was fabulous!  Everyone I encountered was having a great time.  Truly a fabulous summer parade!  And, who knows how many attended PRIDE for the first time?  Regardless, first time or 40th time, it was a tremendous event on a beautiful day in Minneapolis and I am SO glad I too was there!

The Advocates for Human Rights Awards 2012

Mike Farrell, best known to many as one of the stars of MASH, is a man whose life is much deeper and richer.  His soul rooted in integrity, humility, and seemingly boundless energy fed through his lifelong quest for human rights and dignity globally.

Last night he received the Don and Arvonne Fraser Human Rights Award at The Advocates for Human Rights 2012 Human Rights Awards Dinner. While a good day or week of retreat or a vacation in the wilderness, warmer climes is often touted as "just what the doctor ordered," being present at this dinner for the past several years has been for me "just what the doctor ordered" and last night followed suit.

Right here in Minnesota is one of the finest human rights organizations on the planet.  Our office works with them on a variety of issues including the human rights of women and children, the SAFE Harbors Law, a national model that holds those who traffic children for sexual purposes accountable while the children are treated as victims rather than as criminals, immigration reform and in seeking permanent resident status for Liberians who have been here "temporarily" for more than 20 years.

The program for the evening highlights the biography Farrell and local volunteer awardees.  Another advocate and I attended together.  Her area of expertise is restorative justice.  Farrell is the President of Death Penalty Focus so much of his speech addressed the need to educate rather than incarcerate humans!  He is no stranger to the struggles of life as he has worked for human rights causes in remote areas of the world, including Asia, and South America.

We both wanted to stay and purchase his book, have it signed.  It was not to be.  Our bodies urged us to end the day and order the book which I will when I get into the office today  It was a 20 minute drive from the event to my home, she as driver and I as her personal GPS.  She said things like, he named restorative justice and the racism inherent in the criminal justice system and the need for quality education for all children and ... and ... It was clear that each of us will move into our work today and in the weeks to come energized by The Advocates for Human Rights staff and volunteers - Don and Arvonne Fraser, and Mike Farrell.  And it is very good, very good indeed.  A retreat for the heart and soul on a Thursday night in June in a mere three hours!

Words and how we use them

I live alone and every morning my day begins with coffee and the newspaper.  Words, thousands and thousands of words on newsprint that leaves ink on my fingers and some words imprinted for the day in my thoughts.

Today as everyday, I finish by scanning the obituary section.  It isn't about who died but about who they were and how they lived - how their lives impacted others regardless if they lived a few months or more than a century.

It is also interesting to note just how we find the need to write something about "how" they died.  No matter the age, the word so often used is "unexpectedly."  We expect life but we don't expect death.  Today a couple in their 90's died within four days of each other - both unexpectedly.  As did the 18 year old and the fifty something.

Somehow it seems that all of us can expect our lives to end.  We just don't know when or what will be the "cause."  Another favorite term is "natural causes."  Now that is pretty real. 

Nothing pithy, nothing profound, just thinkin' about the words we use and how we use them.  Gotta go hang up the clothes - the washer just quit.  I expected that!

My Daily Calendar

There is no need to wonder why a friend gave me this calendar to start and live throughout 2012.  In fact, three of us share this calendar and find ourselves commenting on the message of the day from time to time.

Each is "particularly poignant" and has something to bring to the unfolding day ~

Saturday, June 16: "As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold them down, so it means you cannot soar as you might otherwise."  Marian Anderson

Sunday, June 17:  One of the gorgeous things about human beings is that we can use new information to change ourselves in infinite ways that transcend our imaginations. (no one cited)

Change - such a fickle thing!  "Change ourselves in infinite ways that transcend our imaginations"

Yes, we can and yes we do and it is never simple for the one who changes things nor for the ones related to the one who dares to change the current order of our lives.  In recent conversations I have heard stories of the man who was told from the time he was very little that he was going to be the son the family "gave to the priesthood" and they did.  As he grew into his senior years, he was able to describe how he had a very different vision for himself.  Instead he did as his family declared and "chose" to become and remain a priest.  Another is the story of a woman who knew very early in her marriage that the marriage was wrong for her.  Her husband was a good man, a kind man, a good provider and her life was encased in a fragile shell from which she "had no good reason to break out."  So she stayed and existed in a life that she now describes as "empty."

I have been thinking a lot about change these days of writing graduation cards that celebrate the commencement from high school and those with advanced college degrees.  In the midst of this several adults in my world are in mid-life and are choosing to return to college to complete bachelor's degrees or a pursue masters and PhD.  None of these changes are simple.  Support of family and friends are key as each one dives into their dream.

One recent high school graduate has a particular dream in mind, a dream and vision that is different from that some of his family have for him.  Quietly he has been putting into place what he needs to do to accomplish his goal.  Very soon he will have to thank those who have a different dream for him for their love and caring and then tell them that he is loves them dearly and is choosing to pursue his dream.  It will not be easy.  It will hurt and sting.  And when this graduate is in his waning years of life and looks back on this decision, he will judge it ~ and his life ~ based on his decision, his choice. 

This choice is after all his to make.  He will own it in all its complexities.  He is an adult now - or as the current language states "Young Adult" (YA).  The outcome of his decision is yet a mystery, his need to decide and act on his dream is clearly his.  I wish for him a future full of "infinite ways that (today) transcend our imaginations."

Homemade Buttercream Frosting

When my children were small I began making specialty cakes.  First by cutting rounds and squares and rectangles into shapes that I "glued" together with buttercream and frosted with buttercream frosting.

Specialty cakes for birthdays and anniversarys and weddings - I can not imagine how many I have made.  Nor do I have an actual inventory of the specialty cake pans I now own.  Sesame Street and Disney characters and many more.

So today for my grandson's graduation party I made a sheet cake and of course frosted and decorated it with butttercream frosting.  We put it in the house for when the "Cub cake" with his photo airbrushed on was gone.  Then, my neice came through and smiling asked if I had made the cake ... I did but it is in the house as backup ... my grandson said, "cut it."  So cut I did and the gramma made cake with the homemade frosting began to be eaten well before the store bought cake was half eaten.

I hadn't seen my neices in several years and had not met her beautiful children.  It was fun to see them and catch up for a few minutes.  I left about 5:00 so my grandson and his mom's family could celebrate his great grampa's birthday tonight.  I baked that cake too; dark chocolate with homemade fudge frosting. 

Both cakes are on glass plates.  I told his other gramma that was intentional, now we will have to have coffee or lunch or dinner, for sure!  And I know we will.

My grandson plans to attend college in the fall.  He will do well and he will go far.  He is smart and good and kind.  And, he likes "Gramma Gin's homemade buttercream frosted cakes!" 

In Memory of Lois Ann Swenson

The 5:00 p.m. news flashed this photo and went on to say that Lois Swenson, who lived alone in her modest North Minneapolis home was found dead after police went to do a welfare check.

Her face reached out from the television touching memories I could not quite pull into view.  I silently offered a prayer of thanksgiving to Lois who was described in the newscast as one whose life was lived fully in her giving and sharing.

I left home within minutes of this newscast to return to work to prepare for an evening program "Update on Afghanistan featuring Kathy Kelly."  51 people gathered to hear about her work with Voices for Creative Non Violence.  It was my pleasure to welcome participants on behalf of the Justice Commission to Carondelet Center.  I then introduced Sister Brigid McDonald to welcome Kathy.

Before she began with a noticably heavy heart she asked that we take a moment to remember Lois Swenson who died today.  She described Lois as an indefatigable worker for peace and justice, who'd give the shirt off her back, who dumpster dived to find clothes to wash and mend for the homeless, who welcomed people in need into her home and who was the heart and soul of WAMM (Women Against Military Madness).

Sister Brigid's description brought Lois fully into view as I remember her presence at numerous other social justice events.  After the presentation, I talked about the report of her death on the news.  So many in the room had worked alongside of her, knew her as a friend and colleague.  Their hearts were truly heavy.

The newspaper this morning said, "Lois Swenson died as a result of blunt force trauma" in her own home.  Now I know who she was, how she was killed and refuse to let her life of peace and justice be reduced to the violent act that ended her life, be defined by the violence of another human being!

Lois, thank you for your love of life, work for non violence and peace.  I know so little about you, I only spoke to you in welcome and greeting at events.  And I am grateful for the example you provide for all us.  In your honor and memory, our work continues.  This morning I hold your grieving family and friends in prayer and pray that the police find the one who took your life so violently. 

And I wonder, what led to the person (s) to choose violence? Why violence?  Why? Why is that the answer to so many problems? Why choose war against a person, a race, an ethnic group, nation, why ... ... ...

Perfection Unfolding

Four years ago my daughter and I planted two peony plants in the back yard; one a deep rose and the other pale pink.  This year they have produced the most magnificent blooms that reign in the garden outside of my garage door.  It is a great way to leave for work and return home at the end of a full day.

Naturally as nature goes, how they appear in the morning is never the same as when I return later in the day.  This also holds true for the blooms that find their way to my dining room table.  I was so sure that the one pictured here was at its peak of beauty when I cut it and placed it in the antique Phillips Milk of Magnesia jar.  Well, it was perfect then.  And it was perfect again when I returned home later that day with its petals continuing to open revealing the delicacy of the in-most center.

I rose this morning at 5:00 with ease as has been the case much of my life.  As I walked into the dawning light of the dining room the peony provided yet another glimpse at perfect beauty.  I can hardly wait to head out the door and see  the surprises that await in my ever burgeoning perennial and wildflower gardens!

As I recently told a friend, to see the sunrise and the sunset is to bookend the day in beauty and serenity.  Here in Minnesota that means sunrise ranges from around 5:00 a.m. - around 7:30 a.m. and sunset from around 5:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m. depending on the season and the man made reality of daylight savings time.

Today the sun rises in partly sunny skies, the winds that have raged the last few days are gone and the leaves on the trees are virtually still; squirrels scurry in the blue spruce across the street and my morning chorus of birdsong welcome the day filled with joy.  The TV sits idle in the corner.  No radio is turned on.  It is yet another majestic morning in all its simplicity and beauty.