2012 Olpmpic Champions

Assistive Device

While the top athletes from around the world do things with their bodies that I had no idea the human body was capable of, I have been entered into my very own 2012 Olympics right here at home.

It all began when I woke last Monday and couldn't sit up in bed.  Normally getting out of bed  just happens."  Well, last Monday it not only did not "just happen" it took a lot of thinking and a lot of patience and a lot of persistence.  There were some panicky moments during which I wondered if I was going to be able to figure out how to get out of bed or be forced to call in reinforcements.

Being patient and creative I managed to roll over onto my stomach and slowly skooch to the end of the bed where I performed a modified push-up which enabled me to achieve an almost upright position.

Once downstairs and on the sofa in the den, I punched the number of the chiropractors office into the phone so all I had to do was press the green "phone" button to complete the call at exactly 8:00 a.m.  Pinched nerve, confirmed.  Treatment every other day, heat by day, cold packs by night, anti-inflammatory medication and relax relax relax and rest rest rest.

What I soon learned was the a pinched nerve not only renders one's agility null and void, it increases overall clumbsyness by about 400%.  I dropped things and then stared at them seemingly a million miles away.  All the while those 2012 Olympic athletes were breaking world records in gymnastics (YO GABBY), swimming, volleyball, track and field on the bloody TV across the room.

The obstacle course on my floor grew by the hour!  First my spoon, then my pen, then my napkin, the TV remote which I usually don't even care about and then ... ... it went on and on.  It was almost as painful to look at all the stuff on the floor as it was painful to move!  Now, I could have called in reinforcements.  Family and friends and co-workers would have been happy to help.  But ... I wanted the stuff picked up now!

After some pouting and pondering I realized that people who have serious mobility issues or those who are vertically challenged rely upon the patented "grabber" thing - you know - the one which when squeezed opens on the other end allowing one to pick things up.  They are usually 18-24 inches long.  What I needed to pick up was not that far away!  Oh, the joy when I realized that I have four different kitchen tongs, shiny gorgeous stainless steel ones for special events (two pair), a run of the mill everyday salad tong and the very functional stove-top tong with the red plastic coated handles.

How much better could it get!  Off to the kitchen I went at breakneck speed of the greatest distance runner ... okay ... the speed of Tiffany Tortoise, to retrieve my brightest and shiniest stainless steel tongs and in no time flat the obstacle course disappeared.  I decided to keep them by the sofa for my next fit of dropsy ... it didn't take long either.  In the course of the past week, I have awarded myself six gold medals for removing obstacles from my path.  I may just have to have my stainless steel tongs dipped in gold and then soulder five gold Olympic rings onto it as a sign of patience, persistence and a creative solution to pinched nerve dropsy.

Life is always first and foremost a matter of perspective and rooted in the truism that laughter really is really really the best medicine!