About Mom

And medical directives.

Mom was hospitalized the last Sunday in December 1998 and spent much of the next week in respiratory intensive care.  I stayed overnight with her that Wednesday and again Thursday night.  I sat next to her bed and held her hand all night long.  She would wake, see me there - smile and drift back to sleep. The hospital staff offered to bring in a bed - I just wanted to sit with her and hold her hand, so I did.

After 10:00 p.m. on Thursday night, her body jerked, the monitors went wild and the doctors came running.  I stepped away and asked if I needed to call my family back.  The unanimous answer was, yes. The monitor "flat lined" at which point one of the medical team injected something into her IV tube.  Almost immediately the line on the monitor began to indicate change.  The medical person (doctor/nurse, I don't know) got so excited and said, "I just love that stuff!"

I was dumbfounded.  Incredulous.  I asked, "what stuff?"  He replied that he injected her with a drug that "jump-started her heart."  I said, she indicated no extraordinary means and expressed my frustration.  That staff member left the room and did not return.

During the next more than five hours the staff leaned over her, pulled her eye lids back and shined lights in her eyes (her eyes rolled aimlessly), leaned close to her ear and called her name, did everything to "bring her around."  Several hours later it was clear that the drug was keeping her heart beating and lungs pumping.  After 4:00 a.m. the next morning the staff suggested that we may need to consider removing the drugs because there was very limited brain activity.

I said I could not watch her suffer another minute.  The staff agreed to reduce the oxygen flow 50%, and keep only two calming medications in the IV.  We made the decision to top the drug, they stopped it.  It took less than 4 minutes for her to pass quietly and peacefully.  I remained at her side, holding her hand until I felt sure "she was really gone."

I firmly believe that she and God were shaking hands when she had the heart attack/massive stroke after 10:00 p.m. on 1/1/1998; that the drug they administered shocked her heart into beating again!  I was so angry that we had to make a decision to end the drug use the next morning - angry that the injected drug interfered with her natural dying process.

What I have learned since is that advance directives have to spell every out every detail - including the use of drugs.  As I type this I am aware that I have an advance directive and I am not sure it is specific enough.  Hummm ... ... ...

Mostly, I still miss my mom!